Thursday, June 5, 2008
To Be Free Is To Live.
It's time to admit that i have a problem.
It's time to admit that it's time to change, take action, grow up and figure myself out.
I work. A LOT. Anyone who knows me knows I'm constantly on the go, running from job to job, then sprinting home to finish my own work. To write on my own blog, make jewelry, clean house, and whatever else i seem to NEED to finish RIGHT THIS INSTANT.
I've been having a lot of anxsity attacks recenrly. Way too many, and way more then nessisary for any 24 year old. Last Wednesday, after spending the afternoon at work, telling my co-worker how understanding my boyfriend is with all of my "breakdowns", i had my final (for now...) breakdown that same night. After that, Riley and I had a VERY LONG talk about how he doesn't know how many more he can handle, how he can't keep watching me breakdown, can't keep seeing me so unhappy, and worstly, how unhealthy all of these fits were. They were taking over my life.
Jewelry making wasn't fun anymore. Everything was becoming a chore, something that HAD to be done, and not what i loved to do anymore.
He's right. I put so much pressure on myself. No matter how much i accomplish i never seem to think it's ENOUGH. Just one more....(anything). I'm the perfect example of the over worked, never pleased, American. Well, I'm done.
I'm going to take time off from pursuing my business. It's not to say i won't make jewelry anymore, because I'm going to learn how to love jewelry making again! I'm going to take time off from reading how successful (or so it seems) other artists are, and just rejoice in the fact that one day it will be me. I'm not going to have anxiety attacks on a daily basis, I'm not going to stress so much that i get sick anymore. Those days are hopefully over. (at least until it's time to REALLY start my business) I'm going to start blogging because i want to, not because i have to. I'm going to make jewelry because i love it, and because it's a brilliant creative outlet, not because i know it will sell. I'm just going to do exactly what I'm doing, but not FREAK OUT if everything isn't done. There is always tomorrow. Life is to short to take everything so seriously. Losing sleep and making myself sick everyday isn't going to help me get closer to my goal. I'm only human. I'm only one person, and i can't do everything. Not alone. Not ever.
So....goodbye to stress, to anxiety. I shall not miss thee. Hello new perspective. Hello to my once loved hobbies. Hello to friends, bookstores. And hello to you Riley, and the new, stress-free times we shall share together.
Thanks for bringing me back to reality.