Thursday, March 10, 2011

Life with Eating Issues.

The worst worst WORST part about seeking help for my eating issues is finally truly realizing that binge eating WONT make me feel better...and starving myself afterwards is not correct 'punishment procedure' after a binge.

My coping mechanism for ANYTHING at all has always been eating, including right now. Consuming way more cookies then deemed necessary after eating a large meal i didn't even enjoy, doens't logically make sense. ...Which is VERY interesting considering how logically i live my life is most other manners.

Could you IMAGINE how much we could do if we didn't feel any hindering emotions? If we didn't feel lonely, unworthy, over weight, 'stupid', inadequate? It sounds glorious doesn't it?

Now a days as I'm eating, I'm constantly aware that food won't change these horrid feelings; which in essences, takes away even the smidgen of 'happiness' that i used to feel from binge eating.

Add to the fact that there is NO REASON to stave myself or even take 'punishments' for my 'bad [eating] behavior'. All of this new reflection, awareness and change makes me feel like I'm drowning in a new way I've never felt before.

Coping, escapism, growing, learning, asking for help... My life right now is especially hard in ways I've always felt and never concurred.

There are days when i don't feel like it's going to get any better...that I've ever going to fully feel alive... but I'll just keep on swimming. The current has to slow down a little bit along the way, so i can at least coast until the next larger waves break.

Honestly and Sincerely,


Ricky Figueroa said...

Hi Jenipher,

I am glad I finally checked your website out. You seem to be an authentic honest girl and so is your business.

I would like to keep up with your progress, and I look forward to see you again.

Ricky "The Panera Bread Guy That Likes Your Art" ;)

anayelsi said...

I love you. Thank you for how honest you were in this post. I know what A struggle it can be to have healthy eating habits and a good self-identity. I'm proud of you <3

Larissa said...

Hi Jenipher - it takes great courage to share so honestly - you are stronger than you realize :) thank you for sharing.